Where does one start?When I was growing up it was my mum and me. We slept in the living room together, we ate together, we went on trips together, we dreamed together, and we we each others "persons". We could tell anything to each other, good or bad. She knew everything about me... and she knew me best. She would look at me and instantly she knew if something was wrong. She could give me that look, and I would just break down and cry. She was not only my mum but my best friend.
As long as I can remember my mum was always talking about traveling, and seeing cultures and seeing things. How important it was, and how when she lived in Germany for a year, and how she and my dad got to travel together and be nomads for awhile. She talked so fondly of it, and always encouraged me to follow my dreams no matter where they led me. So when I decided that at the end of High School I didn't want to go to college I wanted to go to Fiji, she supported me every step of the way. I applied for the school and got accepted. I then had to raise enough funds to pay for the trip. Somehow God make the money come in to the "T". The night before I left, I was laying in my bed and my mum on her couch and I was freaking out. I couldn't sleep, I told her I couldn't go. I was scared. You see, I hadn't EVER left home or my mum for more then a week. And to go for 6 months across the world, to a place where I had no idea what it was going to be like, and with people I had never met... I WAS SCARED. So, mum to the rescue. She talked me down, gave me all the legitimate reasons why I would have to go, and like a good mum would gave me a glass of wine! I sipped it up, and soon I was sleeping next to her.. We woke up the next morning, and I felt a bit better. A little uneasy, yet still so excited. We started our drive to LAX, we were about to Bakersfield and I got real quiet. The closer we got, the quieter I got. I even asked to stop and get a paper bag in case I might puke. (I never did though!) We got to the Bradley International Terminal, got my ticket and there they were... the separation of what was the come and what I knew. The escalators going up. I gave my mum the biggest hug ever, and started crying. I didn't want to leave her. I didn't want to leave what I knew. If you knew my mum, you know that she just smiled and told me, "Honey, I'm like a mamma bird. You have to leave the nest sometime. I'm pushing you out of the nest now.. God has a plan for you." So up I went on my mums encouraging words and started a whole new part of my life that I never imagined. She always said it was so hard to watch me go.. and that I had crocodile tears running down my face. Not once did she shed a tear in front of me... she was so strong.
I needed that. My mum did so good, and was so strong for me. She was jealous that I was exploring the world, and she wanted to come. So when I came home from Fiji and decided that in a few months I would join YWAM again in New Zealand she decided that she would join me. So off we went. We did NZ together for 3 weeks. We stayed in hostels, learned how to drive on the opposite side of the road and had an amazing adventure! It has got to be one of the best memories I have with her. She dropped me off at the ship, and was off. I think I cried then too..
Her dream though, has always been India. God has spoken to her about India since I was born I think. She has always dreamt of going, and has always thought that perhaps she had something there that would feed her soul. Koinonia, the church that she has been going to since the beginning was doing a trip to Cambodia. She prayed, and God said yes. So she went.. she loved it. BUT, it was not exactly the place she saw herself going to long term. A few years later they announced a trip to India. SHE WAS SO STOKED! She signed up, and told God that she wanted to go so bad. She started to pay for her trip, and then it started.
She was not feeling so good last November. She wasn't sure what it was, and since she didn't have insurance she was hesitant to go the doctor. She went to a clinic, and they couldn't diagnose her with anything. Finally, she saw a doctor who ordered a chest x-ray. There it was... A little round circle right in the middle of her left lung. The thing that would eventually take her life. They ordered a biopsy, and the day she had it the team for India left. I remember talking to her that day, she was just sad she wasn't going. The results came back. It was cancer.
We have gone through many doctors appointments, 3 doctors, so many medications, and so much heartache. She was the strongest person I have ever met. She was the bravest person I have ever seen on this earth. She wasn't scared of death, and she always let me cry on her shoulder when I was sad about her. A week before she died, I told her that she was so brave, she said "I'm trying to be brave for you." I cried. She has gone through hell this year, and I have been right by her side. I have seen the good, the bad and the ugly. But mostly she made the good. In her last days, she wasn't able to talk, and she just looked into our eyes. We savored the moments we had with her. When she went, it was peaceful. I could feel it in my heart. God now has her, and she is in a much better place and she is happy. I can't imagine my life without her, and I don't want to.. I will do what I can to make my life something that she would be proud of. I hope I can be half of a women she was. She is my inspiration. She touched so many peoples lives and did so many good things. I loved her so much.
And everyday I'm reminded that God is there, and how good He really is. Today while meeting with the pastor that she went to Cambodia with I mentioned that I wanted to go to India to spread some of my mum's ashes. (I promised her I would.) He said he was going at the end of February to help make some promo videos for a organization there. He said I could go and take photos. My heart skipped a few beats. I looked at Kellen, and he smiled. I told him I would think about it. I came home, and started to really think about it. Its what my mum would have done. So two days after my mums has left this earth, we get to continue to live out her legacy. As I am sobbing while writing this, I'm so honoured that God would let Kellen and I do this. I decided that for my mum we will take a 10 day trip to the south of India with 1 or 2 other people. We will be doing Gods work, and I will be getting to do exactly what my mum wanted to do. We'll get to go and hang out with girls without mothers, and take care of babies, and get to show them love. Something my mum knew so much about. I get to use my skills, and get to take photos of all of them. We get to help in the name of Jan LaMattino. I feel so blessed, I feel so honoured, and I feel happy.
I need your help though. Tickets to India aren't exactly cheap. I need help financially.. My mums legacy needs help. Will you consider giving us money so we can go and help and take photos and show so many kids love and help get an organization up and going? No matter how much, it doesn't matter. Its what is meant to happen. It is in Gods timing. Its a blessing. Kellen and I get to go and do what my mum wanted to do. We have a pay pal account that you could add to, or perhaps you can send a check to our house. If this is tugging at you, please be willing to listen to God and his plans. Help us carry on my mums legacy.
If you do decide to donate money, we will come up with something to show you the work we did there, or something. We will start a mailing list so you can see what we did, how we did it, and the people we helped. I hope you don't see this as a beg for money, but more as helping and continuing a life that we lost. She can still live on, and she can still do so much as long as we listen.
Thanks for everything.
Donation Information:
pay pal account : ashleylama@hotmail.com
if you want to mail please contact me at
ashley@weenophotography.com
If you have any questions or hesitations please contact me to.
